Bone's Rants

Stupid Song Requests

In the many years that have passed since I began Club DJing back in 91' I have filled many song requests. I have always tried to please everyone as best I can. However, over the years I have begun compiling a list of requests to DJs that just tend to annoy us, and are some of the best ways to get your request ignored. We DJs are VERY busy when on the Board. Despite how it may look we REALY are working. We are watching our dance-floor, seeing what the crowd reacts to, planning our next few song in our set and setting up our next mix. Stupid requests WASTE OUR TIME, and make our job harder than it needs to be. So, I now offer up as my first rant on This list as a warning, to avoid the moronic requests and aggravating your favorite Club DJs. Following Each Request on this list is an explanation why you shouldn't say it. They are in no particular order of stupidity.

Here's the list, check it before you make a request so you don't use one of these:

1- "Play me something with a beat"- GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK! This one tops the all time list of stupid things to say to a DJ. Every song has a Rhythm...aka BEAT. Okay, we understand what someone means with this one: the person in question doesn't like the style of rhythm of what is being played. But that still doesn't tell a DJ what kind of beat your looking for. Be a little more concise in what you want. Otherwise you just look like a complete moron and you wasting the DJs time.

2- "I Don't Know the Name of the Song, I don't Know Who Does it but it goes like......" - DJs put up with Dangerous loud volume levels, Fog Machines, Bitchy Club Owners, and Drunken Morons All Night Long. The Last thing we want in the world is to hear you sing. If you can quote a verse or a whole chorus outta the song fine, just don't sing it. Oh, and if you say "it's the one that says baby in it" you deserve to be Pimp Slapped.

3- "Play (insert song title or band here). Everybody wants to hear it" - First off Have you Polled EVERYONE in the club? Even if you have, did EVERYONE in the club really say they wanted to hear it? Even so, Bet you forgot to ask the DJ if they wanted to hear it. Chances are they don't or it would have been played already. Honestly, this is just a stupid thing to say to a DJ. We know you haven't done your research before coming to the booth. Again to avoid looking like an ass say what you mean: "Me and my friends would like to hear...."

4- "Will you play my song next?" - Simple answer to this one, unless you can make it worth our while will almost always be: "NO". A good DJ is usually thinking at least 2 songs ahead of what they are playing at the moment, chances of your song fitting into the mix are working on is unlikely. If your request is worthy, it will be played AS SOON AS THE DJ CAN WORK IT IN. No amount of harassing a DJ is likely to help either. In fact in most cases it will get your song put off or removed from the requests list

5- "Play Something Good - Okay this is almost a repeat of #1. Again, this is a matter of taste. Telling a DJ this tells him absolutely nothing about what you WANT to hear. Add to the fact if He/She happens to like whatever they are playing at the time you have just insulted their musical tastes, and thats not a good way to earn "play my request" points. Just request something you want to hear. If you don't know what you want to hear don't waste the DJs time.

If all else fails to work, Try Tipping the fucking DJ

Do remember, a Request is just that... A REQUEST. It doesn't mean the DJ HAS to play it. For most club nights there are more requests than there is time for in the night. Some just won't get played.

On a related side note: if the Headphones are on, I'm mixing... Don't talk to me! I will be happy to talk when the headphones come off. Not before. I will be with you as soon as I can.

This particular rant will likely be ever expanding, so if you enjoyed it check back for more updates in the future. If your a DJ and you have some more to add to it e-mail me.

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